The Juggler

This guy does not match up to any standards. He has huge hands, but his male genitals are not as big as his hands in reality should reflect. He seems to be utterly honest. No, man is ever utterly honest. He used weird impolite compliments. He replaced the three day rule with a three hour rule. He wanted to see me already the next day and then he cancel it on the same day, not to be heard of yet. Maybe if I wouldn’t have slept with him, we would just go separate ways and I would think of him as a fun, cute guy, but nothing more. Well, the moment I had a look at his hands, I knew it wouldn’t just end in a fair farewell. Maybe, if he hadn’t used his tiger routine, I would think of him as a cute guy, who never got me off and I would not mind him never call again. Now, that was not the case though and I haven’t had a guy treating me rough like that since last summer. He got ME addicted. I am the one who suppose to be addictive. Damn It!!! So today, is three days since I got his cancellation message and I am seriously considering to send him a message about whether or not I should consider myself being an accomplished mission of his… Honestly I have never felt more confused or did I just got gamed??? You can never mess with a romantic retard.

Au natural with a fat ass

Oh, the mystery of men always hitting on you when you look like a mix of a hungover bum and a 24h sleep zombie having not a chemical on your face OR in your hair that could enhance your look one bit.What is wrong with them????
During my grocery shopping today at Jewel-osco, this guy was totally coming on to me. He chose my queue and I offered him to go ahead since i was packed with all my bachelorette groceries. Yes... 10 meal replacement bars, 20 ready to cook meals and the largest box of Tampax ever. He replied that he was more than happy to wait and just enjoy the view. WHAT FUCKING VIEW??????? He meant my wire wool simulated hair or the dark rings underneath my eyes or my fat ass... Coming to think about it, considering he was black, it could totally be my fat ass he was referring to.
Well, at least I got to hear the words "I love you" today, that has been a while. Not that I wished it would come from a random, strange black man on a parking lot. And then it was the third guy who passed me while I was waiting for the bus and called me "sexy". The weird part was that they were all quite handsome.
I might want to look into an experiment, where I should go out for a drink in the evening without any makeup or hair preparation and see how many guys would hit on me.

Dating retard, I am.

Sooo, I have been dating this guy. He is tall, have a decent job… and that is probably it. I had to see him twice just to determine whether or not he was a retard. But then again, I guess if you are a doctor you can’t be much of a retard. If it wasn’t for my sexual desperation there would most probably not have been a third date. Until the third date he had not impressed me much. He was too reserved. His politeness did not come natural. He laughed when my jokes were not funny AND he’s compliments sucked! Oh, and the worst part was that he did not own a bed. What the hell!!!! Who in their right mind sleeps on the floor if they are not pure bums?! One other thing that was kind of a turn off was that he never contacted me randomly. There was always a notification through messenger saying he might call the following day and that he was scared to bother me as it seemed as I was always busy working… Oh God give me strenght!!!
Thanks to a very close friend of mine I still had the state of mind that a cock is always a cock, so I decided to agree to a third date. To my surprise he had changed his way of approaching me and took for once initiatives. He was super kind and affectionate during the whole night and I almost got scared there for a second wondering if he started to develop feelings for me. He offered to drive me home when I decided that I got what I came for and it was time for me to go home.
But does his super sweetness on the third date weigh up to his dullness and the fact that we have nothing in common, except for sex that is??? Or have I become completely twisted in my head after last summers “porrmobile rides” over the south parts of Sweden???? Will I forever think that the best relationship in this world is when you take off all your clothes once you come inside the door and as soon as you got what you came for it is time to leave… No drama, no strings attached, no feelings.

When I come to think about it, maybe I am the retard. A freakin' DATING RETARD!!!!

Realization!!!

ohoh! Save me before it is too late! I overheard a remix of Justin Timberlakes lovestoned on the radio and I got hooked.. say what what? Since when do I like electro-house? OMG, I have become one of these mature women who like everything that they shouldn´t... Electro-house?! Really?! How teenlike isn´t that? Even worse- Timberlake remix! Soon I will be standing in the corner of a bar full with 18 year olds, dressed in a minidress and high heels drunker than anyone else at that place... Wait a minute!!!! Done it already!!! OMG call the mature police before it is too late!

Add a letter before I.L.F

Some "smart guy" came up with the concept of M.I.L.F. That is "mothers I´d like to fuck". I hear it everywhere nowadays. Not that I am a mother but there are many guys using the concept. Not once have I heard a word in the same context for women looking at fathers. So, I looked it up. Most logically would it be either D.I.L.F for "dads I´d like to fuck" or F.I.L.F for "fathers I´d like to fuck". The latter proved to be existent, however not in the context of women looking at hot fathers but instead it was a concept meaning" Fatty I´d Like To fuck". And most correctly the first statement actually already existed, however, I had to google it to even make sure there was a word for women to use. This makes me wonder if it would be accurate to just put any letter infront of I.L.F and make it a valid statement for something someone would like to fuck. Such as, C.I.L.F, for "Clown I´d like to fuck" or T.I.L.F for "teenager i´d like to fuck" (All guys dreams, trust me!) or D.I.L.F could also stand for "Dwarf I´d like to fuck"... see what I mean?! Someone should come up with something better. I am already working on it!!!

Superman Dat Hoe

Just have to post this definition taken from urbandictionary.com. Because I think everyone know the song by Soulja Boy called Crank Dat Superman. But do you know what it means? My dearest friend who know how much I appriciate things like this sent me the link and I am forever greatfull to her! here it goes:

Superman dat hoe

When with a girl and you don't get any action, you wait until she falls asleep, jack off onto her back so when she rolls over the sheet sticks to her back giving her a cape. 

"Watch me superman dat hoe.

Yo, Billy did you get any last night? Nahh but I supermaned dat hoe". 

You are very much welcome!!!!!

The young calfs

How can somebody be so God damn gorgeous that you just want to cry? But, isn´t it a bit weird to find someone much younger than you so attractive? Will it always be like this, that I find young men illigally handsome even when i turn 50 or 60? Well, looking at the case of many famous middle aged women, like Demi More and Madonna, it is not highly unlikely. The trend of having a younger boyfriend... but were will one draw the line? When will it start to be discusting? Or maybe i am just hungover and desperate...